Is it OK to make a stink about obnoxious perfume in the workplace? - Washington Post

Ben Claassen III (for Express)

Q. My wife is allergic to intense perfume smells; they give her a headache that lasts the day. At her workplace training center, she often comes across people wearing intense perfume and it makes her work life hell. My opinion was to tell them to tone down the perfume, but then we debated — it is an individual’s choice to put on a perfume of her/his liking. How would you deal with this? —Stymied by Smells

With the increasing number of people speaking out about their sensitivity to fragrances, it’s no longer considered unusual for a workplace to establish guidelines. Yes, people should have choices, but when their choices make someone else’s life “hell,” that’s a problem.

Management should take the burden off of your wife and create a set of recommendations for people who patronize her workplace for training. How much has she talked with HR about this issue? If you saw how many complaints about workplace odors crossed my inbox, you’d know — her challenges are not uncommon, and the response needs to be official and standardized, without forcing your wife to enter the cloud of perfume and handle it herself.

And trust me — as workplace-smell situations go, this is much less awkward than the co-workers who seem to commute by jogging, in August, without deodorant.

He’s a jerk but she won’t listen

Q. My older sister has found love with a newly divorced man. She is head over heels with him, but I sensed a bad vibe when he was a jerk to me. I have tried to tell my sister many times but she has refused to budge. She still sees me as her little sister. How do I get her to listen to me and come to her senses, and dump this guy for someone better? —Upset Sister

She gets to date who she wants. It’s that simple. You can’t “get” her to listen to you any more than she could “get” you to stop interacting with one of your own friends. Without details of how he was a jerk to you, it’s hard for me to know how valid your concerns are. Might he be controlling or even abusive? Or did he simply gloat about his football team beating yours? You must be willing to step back and see the big picture, rather than going by one interaction alone.

Generally, the most effective way to handle being a non-fan of a loved one’s partner is to say your piece but don’t nag, which might only turn her against you. Express your concerns specifically, then just move on to keeping your own relationship with Sis in good working order, to make sure she values your opinion when it counts.

Send your questions for Baggage Check to Dr. Andrea Bonior at baggage@wpost.com.

Read more Baggage Check:

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